Zippers on airplanes? A bad idea!
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Humour - Hollywood Squares
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was
the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that
he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was
the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that
he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
Friday, February 25, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
What's Goin' On
Not much happening. Very busy at work, I had to take a vacation next week to work at my wife's store - Uncle Fat's Attic. She was called up for jury duty. I've lost 8 pounds following Weight Watchers. Added some new products to the website - Gifts In A Jar.
What I'm Watching:
Ray - WOW!! Jamie Fox is incredible as Ray. He should win an Oscar.
Session 9 - This movie had potential, but the ending is bad.
What I'm Reading:
Brimstone - I'm only into by 50 pages, but it looks promising!
What I'm Listing To:
John Mayer - Heavier Things
What I'm Watching:
Ray - WOW!! Jamie Fox is incredible as Ray. He should win an Oscar.
Session 9 - This movie had potential, but the ending is bad.
What I'm Reading:
Brimstone - I'm only into by 50 pages, but it looks promising!
What I'm Listing To:
John Mayer - Heavier Things
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
What a Delicious Meal
Went to a friends house last night and was surprised with a home cooked meal! We went over under the premise that we would be going out for something to eat. Instead we were treated to a wonderful meal of Filet Mignon, Twice Baked Potatoes and Lemon Zest Green Beans. To top it off we even had homemade Angel Food Cake and Strawberries for dessert! An extra bonus of a chocolate dipped giant strawberry was added to the mix. It was quite delicious, even though they did try and posion my wife who is allergic to strawberries. Only kidding!
Check out my new items on EBay!
EBay Auction
Get Ready...
It's Coming...
Wiseguy Skateboards
Check out my new items on EBay!
EBay Auction
Get Ready...
It's Coming...
Wiseguy Skateboards
Friday, February 11, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Super Bowl Sunday
I know this is late, but you know... "as time allows".
Had a great time watching the Super Bowl on Sunday. We went to my niece Randee and her husband Mike's house in South Elgin. We feasted on fresh fruit, Chili, meatballs, veggies, ham rollups and the like! The game seemed a little boring at times, but the commercials are always fun and being with family is always nice. Char is still recovering from the flu, so this took a little energy from her.
Just a reminder to everyone - Survivor - Palau premieres on February 17th
Had a great time watching the Super Bowl on Sunday. We went to my niece Randee and her husband Mike's house in South Elgin. We feasted on fresh fruit, Chili, meatballs, veggies, ham rollups and the like! The game seemed a little boring at times, but the commercials are always fun and being with family is always nice. Char is still recovering from the flu, so this took a little energy from her.
Just a reminder to everyone - Survivor - Palau premieres on February 17th
Friday, February 04, 2005
The New Pastor
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his
card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!
"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22a)
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his
card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!
"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22a)
TOP 7 MORONS OF 2004
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, CA, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered
that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please
come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist a nd forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small; so, he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo!)
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, CA, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered
that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please
come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist a nd forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small; so, he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo!)
The Memory Exhibition
The Memory Exhibition
My favorites are:
Droodles
Common Cents
If Your'e going to rob a bank
Don't Forget
My favorites are:
Droodles
Common Cents
If Your'e going to rob a bank
Don't Forget
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
New Flash!
I found the missing fish! He/she was beneath the ice. After some more melting happened he appeared. Let's hope there are no more casualties this winter. If you didn't already watch it, check out the post before this one - Dedication to our troops. If you are on a dialup, it takes about 10 minutes to load, but it is worth it!
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Not Much Going On!
Been a little crazy, my mother had to go to the hospital and spent 4 days there. She's back home feeling chipper. The weather is nice, above freezing for the last few days and it is supposed to stay like that the rest of the week.
My pond is starting to defrost and I have found 1 dead fish. I know for sure that 4 are alive, I can see them swimming, but 1 is MIA right now.
What I am reading:
What I am watching:
I think that's about all for now!
My pond is starting to defrost and I have found 1 dead fish. I know for sure that 4 are alive, I can see them swimming, but 1 is MIA right now.
What I am reading:
What I am watching:
I think that's about all for now!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
